How to Build Self-Confidence

Contrary to popular belief, confidence is not something that people are “born with”. Just like muscles in our body, confidence is something that can be trained and developed. So often we see brilliant athletes who could not perform to their maximum potential in a game simply because they lacked confidence in themselves.

Confidence isn’t a feeling either. It doesn’t mean only when we ‘feel confident’ we can perform well. When we ‘don’t feel confident’ we perform like shit. Confidence comes from knowing that you are well prepared and you believe in your own abilities. So how do we get to that stage where self-confidence becomes automated?

1.      Attach a new identity to yourself

It is our thoughts that kill us before we even take action. If we keep repeating to ourselves “I can’t do this,” or “I just don’t think I have what it takes to do this,” or “I’m so bad at this.” Lo and behold, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that will most probably happen. Our thoughts influence our actions. Our brain is like a soil- if we plant it with bad seeds, bad trees will grow. If we plant it with good seeds, good trees will grow. We have to start planting good seeds in our minds before we achieve anything.

One of the most profound ways is to attach a new identity to yourself. Take the thing you have the least confidence in. For me, it was driving. I was so scared to drive (after I failed my first test oops). In the beginning, I kept telling myself “driving is so scary, anything can happen on the road” and “I’m such a bad driver.” It was safe to say that I never progressed much in my driving. Every time I got behind the wheel my arms would grow so tense I would grip the steering wheel like I was strangling it and my legs became so stiff I couldn’t even move between the brake and accelerator properly. I spoke to many of my friends, telling them about my fears. They assured me that once I drove more, I would gain more confidence. I realized that it was my thoughts that were killing me. I knew I had it in me to drive well but I was denying myself of that ability. So, I began to change my thoughts. I told myself, “I am a good driver.” “Driving is easy, anyone can do it.” Slowly, I began to see my improvement. I became steadier and less afraid of the road. (And eventually I passed my driving test so yay). The point is, start telling yourself what you want to become and stop feeding the lies you tell yourself. Repeat daily, “I am a good ________.”

2.      Repeat, repeat and repeat

If I told you to enter a volleyball competition but you were only allowed to play with your non-dominant hand, you would most likely think that you are definitely going to lose. Why? That is because you don’t have the confidence in your non-dominant hand as much as your dominant hand. Your ball sense is out, your control is hay-wire and it just takes a lot more effort to use it. People say that practice makes perfect, but I disagree. Practice makes you more consistent and confident in your abilities. Perfection is not the end goal, but progress is the ultimate goal. Repetition is the first law of learning. Keep repeating, keep failing, keep making mistakes. Because the more you repeat, the more confident you will be in that skill.

This is known as the ‘confidence-competence loop’. The more competent (capable) you are at something, the more confident you become. And the more confident you get, the more competent you become. It is a never-ending cycle.

3.      Step out of your comfort zone

This isn’t always easy, but it is necessary to build self-confidence. So many times we shy away from opportunities just because we don’t want to embarrass ourselves because we are afraid of judgment. We care too much about what others think of us. Doing things that we are unfamiliar with is one of the fastest ways to grow and learn and develop self-confidence. 

One good example is that when you are asked to play on a better team during practice, don’t feel small and be scared to play. Just take the chance and go for it. So what if you’re the worst player on that team? You will learn so much more than being the best player on a worse team. And by mixing around with better players, you become more confident in your own abilities. The next time an opportunity for you to step out of your comfort bubble pops up, (see what I did there 😉 bubble…pop. Okay, never mind) SAY EFF IT AND GRAB THE HELL OUT OF IT because if you don’t, someone else will take it and they will experience personal growth before you do.

These are some of the ways to build up self-confidence. I know it can be overwhelming at times, and it feels better to stay where you are right now. But in this society we live in, opportunity favors the outgoing and confident. So it is time to put yourself out there and absorb the spotlight, because you, my friend, are a star 🌟