如何提升自信

自信并非是一个‘天生’的特性。如我们的肌肉，信心是一件可以锻炼的才能。我们时常看见非常厉害的运动员在比赛时发挥不出来，只是因为缺乏一个自信心。

信心也不是一种感觉。就是说，当我们‘感觉来了’我们才能打得好，‘感觉’不在时就打不好。信心来自于知道自己的准备充足，而你对你的训练产生的信心。话说，我们要如何变成一个更有自信的人呢？

1.      给自己一个新的身份

通常，我们在还没开始做一件事，我们的想法就害死了我们-未打先输。如果我们内心的声音一直告诉我们 ‘我不行‘ ’我很差‘’我好烂‘，那你就一定不行，很烂，很差。思想影响行动。我们的脑袋就像一片肥沃的土地。如果我们播种不好的种子，那烂的树就会长出来。但如果我们选择播种好的种子，长出来的便是健康高大的树。既然我们的思想影响我们的行动，而我们的行动影响我们的的人生，那就是说谁能够掌控他们的思想的人，便可以掌控他们想要活出的生活。

所以我们要学会给自己贴上一个新的身份。拿自己最没有信心的项目。给我来说，是驾车。我当初很怕驾车。我一直和自己说 ‘路上很恐怖，什么事都有可能发生‘ ’我的驾车技术好烂‘。我都会有这种想法是因为我fail了我的driving test，导致我对驾车一点信心也没有。每当我驾车时，我的手都会把steering wheel握到很紧，脚更是僵硬了，甚至brake和油都有时分不清。我和许多朋友叙说我这个障碍，他们和我说只要我驾车多了信心自然就会来。我知道其实我有能力驾车，是我的思想在害死我。于是我开始改变我的想法。我告诉自己，’我驾车技术有进步‘，’驾车并不难，谁都做得到‘。渐渐的，我开始感觉自己的进步。所以，我想说的是，从今天开始，告诉自己你想要成为一个怎样的人，别再告诉自己那些谎言了。记得，能够控制思想就能够掌握生活。

2.      重复，重复，再重复

如果你报名参加一个排球比赛，但比赛规则设定你只用你非惯用手来打，你一定觉得自己输定了。这是因为你对那只手的能力没有信心。没有反复地锻炼过怎么会有信心呢？重复是学习的第一法则。所谓 ‘熟能生巧‘- 如果我们熟练了一件东西，信心自然就会来。失败了再重复，从错误当中学习。

上图所显示的是 “confidence-competence loop”. Confidence 是信心，Competence 是能力。意思就是 当我们的能力增加，我们的自信也跟着增加。当我们的自信增加，我们的能力也会增加。这是一个很神奇的循环。

3.      踏出自己的舒适区

这不简单，但如果想增加自信的话就必须要做。有多少次，我们因害怕成为笑点，而不去尝试？有多少次，我们因别人的眼光而不敢去做？大多数的人太在意别人的眼光了，但你想一想，你生活是为了自己还是别人？学习做我们不熟悉的东西是最快成长并提升自信的方式。

一个很好的例子是当我们被选去一个比较厉害的队时，不要觉得害羞。我们应该把握这个好机会。就算你是队里最差的球员，那又怎样？这万万好过在一个更差的队里当最好的球员。当你和比你更厉害的球员交流，你能够感受到他们的气氛，学习他们处事态度。在观察的当下，你自己也能够成长。

我知道建立自信心不是一夜间能够做到的事，也不是一件简单的事情。但，往往会比我们处于的地方好几百倍。无可否认的，我们的社会都比较偏向于充满信心及向外的人。是时候你必须勇敢的站在台上，吸收聚光灯的照亮，因为你是个STAR 🌟

               

How to Build Self-Confidence

Contrary to popular belief, confidence is not something that people are “born with”. Just like muscles in our body, confidence is something that can be trained and developed. So often we see brilliant athletes who could not perform to their maximum potential in a game simply because they lacked confidence in themselves.

Confidence isn’t a feeling either. It doesn’t mean only when we ‘feel confident’ we can perform well. When we ‘don’t feel confident’ we perform like shit. Confidence comes from knowing that you are well prepared and you believe in your own abilities. So how do we get to that stage where self-confidence becomes automated?

1.      Attach a new identity to yourself

It is our thoughts that kill us before we even take action. If we keep repeating to ourselves “I can’t do this,” or “I just don’t think I have what it takes to do this,” or “I’m so bad at this.” Lo and behold, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that will most probably happen. Our thoughts influence our actions. Our brain is like a soil- if we plant it with bad seeds, bad trees will grow. If we plant it with good seeds, good trees will grow. We have to start planting good seeds in our minds before we achieve anything.

One of the most profound ways is to attach a new identity to yourself. Take the thing you have the least confidence in. For me, it was driving. I was so scared to drive (after I failed my first test oops). In the beginning, I kept telling myself “driving is so scary, anything can happen on the road” and “I’m such a bad driver.” It was safe to say that I never progressed much in my driving. Every time I got behind the wheel my arms would grow so tense I would grip the steering wheel like I was strangling it and my legs became so stiff I couldn’t even move between the brake and accelerator properly. I spoke to many of my friends, telling them about my fears. They assured me that once I drove more, I would gain more confidence. I realized that it was my thoughts that were killing me. I knew I had it in me to drive well but I was denying myself of that ability. So, I began to change my thoughts. I told myself, “I am a good driver.” “Driving is easy, anyone can do it.” Slowly, I began to see my improvement. I became steadier and less afraid of the road. (And eventually I passed my driving test so yay). The point is, start telling yourself what you want to become and stop feeding the lies you tell yourself. Repeat daily, “I am a good ________.”

2.      Repeat, repeat and repeat

If I told you to enter a volleyball competition but you were only allowed to play with your non-dominant hand, you would most likely think that you are definitely going to lose. Why? That is because you don’t have the confidence in your non-dominant hand as much as your dominant hand. Your ball sense is out, your control is hay-wire and it just takes a lot more effort to use it. People say that practice makes perfect, but I disagree. Practice makes you more consistent and confident in your abilities. Perfection is not the end goal, but progress is the ultimate goal. Repetition is the first law of learning. Keep repeating, keep failing, keep making mistakes. Because the more you repeat, the more confident you will be in that skill.

This is known as the ‘confidence-competence loop’. The more competent (capable) you are at something, the more confident you become. And the more confident you get, the more competent you become. It is a never-ending cycle.

3.      Step out of your comfort zone

This isn’t always easy, but it is necessary to build self-confidence. So many times we shy away from opportunities just because we don’t want to embarrass ourselves because we are afraid of judgment. We care too much about what others think of us. Doing things that we are unfamiliar with is one of the fastest ways to grow and learn and develop self-confidence. 

One good example is that when you are asked to play on a better team during practice, don’t feel small and be scared to play. Just take the chance and go for it. So what if you’re the worst player on that team? You will learn so much more than being the best player on a worse team. And by mixing around with better players, you become more confident in your own abilities. The next time an opportunity for you to step out of your comfort bubble pops up, (see what I did there 😉 bubble…pop. Okay, never mind) SAY EFF IT AND GRAB THE HELL OUT OF IT because if you don’t, someone else will take it and they will experience personal growth before you do.

These are some of the ways to build up self-confidence. I know it can be overwhelming at times, and it feels better to stay where you are right now. But in this society we live in, opportunity favors the outgoing and confident. So it is time to put yourself out there and absorb the spotlight, because you, my friend, are a star 🌟 

如何接受别人的批评

如果你是一位 happy-go-lucky的人，恭喜你，当你听到别人对你的批评，耸耸肩你就可以把它忘掉了。但如果你像我这样，你会开始担心别人对你的意见。因此，我写下了几个方式可以帮助我不再那么在意别人对我的批评了。

1.      把你的情绪放在一旁

当我们听到别人对我们不好的意见时，我们都会生气或不屑。我们因太过愤怒而想不通，就以为别人只是想贬低我们。但其实他们真正的用意是想帮助我们。所以我们应该把情绪放在一旁，好好地过滤他们所说的话。如果他们说的是真话，那你就可以自我检讨了。我可以改变什么？如果你想了想，他们说的话都不是真话，那你也没有必要生气啊。我们之所以会那么冲动是因为用情绪来解决问题消费很少力量。但用情绪来解决问题，还可能会造成彼此的误会，值得吗？所以下次有人批评你，说谢谢，因为他们在帮助你进步。

2.      厚脸皮一点

我们都不喜欢脸皮厚的人。但在这个场景，为了自己的利益，我们要学会这个技术。我们要学会用Magical Shield包围自己。进脑的只是有用的东西，我们应该反射回去的是 别人难听的话或他们难听的音调。让你觉得浑身不自在的话就不要听进去。把有用的收起来，其他的都可以丢回去给他。要这样做并不简单，但当你每次受到批评时这样做，久而久之你会发觉到你已经不那么在意别人对你的眼光了，因为你已学到如何筛选重点。

3.      用第三者角度来接受

所谓“当局者迷，旁观者清”。当我们听到对自己不好听的话时，我们都会觉得很down。但如果你的朋友经历这个问题，你不会觉得伤心，因为评语不是落在你身上。一样的，当你遇到这种情景，你应该以第三者的角度来对付。当你冷静下来慢慢想，就不会那么地冲动的反应了。

要记得，不是每个批评都是坏的。很多时候别人只是纯粹的想要我们进步，只不过每个人的鼓励方式不一样。嘴巴是长在别人的身上，我们没有权力控制他们说的话，唯一能够控制的是我们对这些话的反应。

Learn to Accept Criticisms

If you are a happy-go-lucky person, congratulations, you are naturally immune to harsh comments and you simply disregard them with a shrug of a shoulder. However, if you’re anything like me, you would tend to overthink and fret over someone’s comment about you. So, here are some of the ways which I find to be very useful in becoming more mentally resilient to criticisms.

1.      Put your emotions aside

When we hear bad things said about us, we tend to get really upset and emotional. Anger fogs our brain and we are unable to think clearly. Hence, we might start to resent the person who made that comment and think that they are simply trying to make us feel bad (in which most cases people are just trying to help). What we should do is, filter through our clouded thoughts and stare straight at the comment (in this sense, think properly about the comment without adding any emotion to it). Ask yourself, is what that person said true? If it is, how can I change? How can I improve? And if it is not true, there’s no reason for you to get angry at all. Like I said, we often let our emotions take charge of us and not our thinking brain because it takes less effort. So the next time someone criticizes you, say thank you because they are actually helping you become better at the thing you’re doing.

2.      Be thick-skinned

Now, being thick-skinned is often frowned upon. And it should be because it is not a good characteristic to have when dealing with people. However, in this context, you have to be more thick-skinned and immune to the criticisms you get. You have to learn how to put a MAGICAL SHIELD around you as shown below. What goes in is only useful information. What is reflected back outside is the way that person made the comment, or if any bad words that made you uncomfortable are in there. Don’t listen to that, those are not the important points. This is much easier said than done. But just as with anything, the more you train your brain to accept criticisms in a different light, the more natural it is for you to pick out the useful information.

3.      Look at the problem in a third-person view

It’s easy to get angry or upset when people talk about us because, well, they’re talking about us. But what if someone spoke badly about your friend? Sure, you might feel bad for your friend, but you wouldn’t take it personally. Ideally, that’s how you should be when criticisms are thrown at you. Take a step back and dodge them like a boss. Just kidding, accept those criticisms, but think through them like an outsider. More often than not, you will find yourself handling the situation better and you won’t act impulsively. In fact, most of the time when you have exploded in front of someone, you would think about it again once you have calmed down and find yourself so foolish and silly. This method is good to avoid situations like that.

So there you have it, a few ways to become a more happy-go-lucky person and be more immune to comments that affect you negatively. Everyone has different ways of encouraging you, even as horrible as it may sound, they mean well and genuinely want you to improve. For example, when your coach keeps scolding you, I know that it can be tough to filter through the horrible comments, but just remember, all they want is for you to improve and become a better player. Say thank you, and work hard to prove him/her wrong. As my coach always says," You can't control other's mouths, so try not to get too upset about what they say."

How to Stick to Your New Year's Resolutions

It’s 2020 now, time for a list of New Year’s resolutions. The only thing about New Year’s resolutions is that the motivation to stick to it seems to fade away after a week or two. Or maybe even after a few days. So why is it that we can be so hyped up about a “plan” or “target” but then forget all about it when we wake up the next morning?

The reason behind this is because our brain likes instant gratification. This situation is heightened thanks to social media- we post a photo and immediately the likes and comments start rolling in. The fact is, we are wiring ourselves to be less and less patient with our progress when it comes to our daily life. We search for things like “how to lose weight in 10 days” or “how to get abs in 2 weeks”. We want fast results. We want to achieve a goal, so we pour all our hearts at it for that short period of time, but when we get the results we want, we immediately revert back to our old ways.

The question is, how do we build a system that works AND lasts?

THE 1% RULE OR KAIZEN (改善) METHOD

Instead of trying to achieve a big goal, break it up into smaller goals. For example, if your goal is to lose 3kgs in a month, and you make a whole big plan to exercise every day, not eat junk food, not eat desserts, etc., trust me, your willpower to stick to this goal will not last long. Instead of planning for a whole month, plan out what you can do each day. Maybe for the first day you cut out a sugary drink, on the second day, you exercise for 10 mins. The key here is to plan out a system that you yourself know you can follow EASILY.

Start small. Like, really small. I have always loved reading, I used to read so much when I was younger. But in the past few years, smartphones have taken over my life and I read way less than I used to. In order to get back to this habit, I had to devise a strategy that I could stick to at the same time not make it feel as if it was a chore. The plan I came up with was to just read for at least 20 mins every day. 20 mins, that’s just like 1.4% of my day, I could do that. So whatever new thing you’d like to incorporate into your life or whatever bad habit you’d like to break, remember to START SMALL.

Don’t fall into the all-or-nothing approach. Always remember to give yourself some space. If you have been consistently eating healthily, it doesn’t hurt to eat a small handful of your favourite snacks. Note: a small handful. I stress this point because what I used to do is the all-or-nothing approach. I would maintain eating clean for a few days, and when I had a huge craving for a biscuit I could eat almost the whole jar. Yep. Not exactly the best diet plan to stick to. Which is why this 1% method works so well. It is not restrictive and there is no “end-goal” to meet. It’s always just you being in the process of continuously improving, looking at it day by day and not a week later or a month down the road.

Look, I know that 1% might not seem like a big deal. 1% of eating clean foods won’t make me lose 2kgs in a day, 1% of sitting down and studying won’t make me get 100 marks on an exam, 1% of exercising won’t suddenly make me have an 8-pack washboard abs. But hey, 1% accumulated every day is already 365% in a year. Imagine how much you would have improved as an individual in just ONE YEAR by getting better 1% every day?